Archive for December, 2007

“What Happened to All the Nice Guys?”

Austinist posted a link to this posting and I couldn’t have said it better myself. I’m a nice guy turned asshole and have recently transitioning back to nice guy.

“What Happened to All the Nice Guys?” Date: 2007-11-19, 3:52AM PST

I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I’d take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven’t figured it out.

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He’d tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn’t feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were “just friends.” Besides, he totally wasn’t your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn’t know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren’t the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you’re single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, “What happened to all the nice guys?”

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive “just-a-” friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren’t really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you’re upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he’d have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he’s probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I’m sorry that it took the complete absence of “nice guys” in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you’re looking for a nice guy, here’s what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.

2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.

3.) Take a look at what’s right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don’t really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you’ve fucked yourself over. You’re getting older, after all. It’s time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn’t want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn’t fucking want you, now.


A Recovering Nice Guy


CROMCrom is the god of storms, death, and eternity granting worshipers a strong sword arm and fire in their hearts…..He’s also our new dog.  With much consideration I finally decided to get a puppy.  Coby is seven and is the perfect age to have a dog.  The only small dog I could stand to have is a Miniature Pinscher and as luck would have it, some friends had just had a litter that was 10 weeks old and ready to get forever homes.  I picked up the black male on Sunday and Coby came over to meet him.  I’ve never seen my kid happier.  He was speechless.  Crom Razor Smith is his name and he really is extremely cute.  So we start puppy training classes next week even though he is pretty much already house trained.  He just has trouble holding it all day while I’m at work.  He’s got lots of energy but when you’re done playing, he’s done too and will snuggle up in your lap.  Thanks to Spike and Priscilla he’s got his first article of clothing being a Social Distortion sweatshirt.  Now I’m on the hunt for a really tough looking spiked collar.  Pictures are up on my Flickr.

Invidkllr’s LA Tour 2007

F U Tom CruiseI said I was going to blog everyday when on my trip to LA, but alas wireless was not as easy to come by as I thought it would be and I was busy being all LA.

Saturday Nov 10th: I left Austin in the afternoon and experience yet another airline line up method which doesn’t seem to change anything. Landing in Pheonix for a 1 hr layover, on the way down I witnessed one of the most beautiful sunsets I think I’ve ever seen. A wonderful blend of yellow to orange to blue to purple….as far as I could tell. I’m colorblind man!
I continued to LA, rented my car, and drove the less than 3 miles from the airport in Burbank to Mytch’s place in North Hollywood. That night with not too much planned we went to a bar called Cock and Bull to watch very Austin like county band that Mytch had seen before. There was much dancing by Mytch. Not my style of dancing, yet. The first bartendar in LA that I met was an a-hole. I won’t go futher on that.

Sunday: We awoke and were met by Mytch’s girlfriend, Michelle, who brought pastries. They treated me to an “LA Morning”. We went for coffee/tea and sat outside on the sidewalk cafe. We then walk a few doors down to get mani’s and pedi’s. I even went the extra step and got my nails painted. Black of course. Did you have to ask that?
We then packed up and headed to San Diego for the night and next day. When we arrived in San Diego it was drizzy weather, but we ate some good Thai food and ended with a nightcap at a very cool Irish pub, complete with an Irish folk group playing.

Monday: The next day we headed to Little Italy for breakfast and then Mytch and I hit the Washington Bridge DIY Skatepark. BIG WALLS, but very fun. Then we met back up with Michelle and went to Old Town for tortillas and a beautiful day out walking around. We ended with a very Austin like mexican food place with some great skate art. A quick stop at the gellato place and then we were on our way back to LA to watch Heroes and go to bed.

VeniceTuesday: I woke up pretty early and headed down to Venice Beach by myself. Mytch worked most of the week, though he got very ill this day and was out of commission for the next few days. Venice Beach was awesome. I really liked that area. I walked up and down along the boardwalk. I saw the remains of the old Venice structures that I used to skate in Tony Hawk Pro Skater and watched in so many movies and videos. I skated up to the Santa Monica Peir and skated back. Lots of pictures were taken. I watched some basketballs games on the “White Men Can’t Jump” courts and ate a slice of pizza with a homeless girl. On the way home, I understood LA traffic.
I believe this was the night that Michelle and I went out for In and Out burgers. Upon arriving back home, I remembered that it was Porn Star Karaoke Night at Sardo’s which was only about 3 blocks from Mytch’s place. I arrived a little bit early, but just in time to get a good spot. It was Cleopatra ‘Queen of the Nile’s birthday and she passed around goody bags with some swag included. Ron Jeremy was there as well as the Fabio looking guy from Skinemax softcore porn movies that usually have to do with cavemen or aliens. I was cracking myself up. Drinks were expensive everywhere in LA and I spent the most here. At the bar one of the ‘porn stars’ introduced herself to me as Jenny. I didn’t catch what her last name was and I didn’t seem interested. I wasn’t. I just think it’s funny. It was a fun night of singing. Austin can sing so much better than LA at the Karaoke.

Wednesday: This was my Hollywood BLVD day. I did the touristy things on the strip. The Chinese theater, Hollywood Wax Museum, Guinness Museum, Hollywood Mall, and walked up and down browsing all the shops. Great place to go to find some new kicks. I was so wiped out, that I got some food at an Italian place and headed home for an early night of sleep.

Thursday: Drove down the street to Univeral City and go my ‘First in Line’ pass for Universal Studios Theme Park. I took the tour and saw all the sites which are pictured on my Flickr page. The Mummy ride was probably the best out of the two or 3 rides they had. Surprisingly the Waterworld show was really good. I ended that night with an $8.50 Miller Light at one of the bars on City Walk. Yeah. Time to go home. I went back to Mytch’s and watched NBC Thursday line up.

Friday: I slept in a little bit and then met Mytch at Universal for lunch and he took me on a short walk through the sound lot. Later I drove down to Beverly Hills to do some shopping at the Beverly Center. I left my nice shirt on my bed at home. Later we got all done up and had dinner at Vitello’s with some other of Mytch and Michelle’s friends. Vitello’s was the place they ate at before she died. Across the street we had gellato at The Gellato Place where we ran into Captain James T Kirk himself, William Shatner. I made eye contact but didn’t say anything. I’m not a huge star nerd. After that, almost everyone went home except Mytch, myself, and one of his friends and we went to a bar called Bigfoot for some 80′s punk, wave, and rock. Again with the expensive drinks, but we had a good time and got a few snapshots out of it.

Saturday: Mytch and I headed to Glendale to hit the public skatepark which doesn’t open for geezers until noon on Saturdays so we got some lunch at this cool retro dinner that has probably been a dinner for about 60 years. We made a quick stop by Glenn Danzig’s house to take a few pictures. Then we hit the skatepark. Fun snake runs! We returned just in time for me to pack my stuff, say my goodbyes, return my car, and jump on a plane back to Austin. On the way back I saw another beautiful sunset on the landing in Pheonix. The girl next to me woke me up to show me. And it was just as beautiful as the first one I saw. That wrapped up the trip just right.
Philip picked me up at the airport and we headed downtown for some good ol Austin beers and bars. It was two for one as far as I was concerned. It was so good to be back in town with all my friends and hitting all my spots and running into everyone.

LA was fun, about 7 days fun. That was just the right amount of time there. It was great seeing, hanging out with, and skating with Mytch and meeting his lovely girlfriend. They gave me a real genuine LA experience.

Some things I learned:
1. Don’t ask for Fireman’s 4. They “don’t know what the f#$% that is.”
2. Don’t go for the 2 for 1 shots. They’re put in thimbles.
3. Porn stars can scream put they can’t sing. Except for that one guy, he was funny.
4. Only 3 people are actually from LA, everyone else if from somewhere else.
5. I love Austin more than I already knew and it’s just right for me